god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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