I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Less talking, more tequila
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
