I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
