You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
