apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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