Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
