i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
