and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
