My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
