We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
