I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
