I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
