There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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