at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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