Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
