my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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