im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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