I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
