I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
