Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Randomize
