The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
