Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
