We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This is classic penis vs brain.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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