matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
