If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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