I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My friends, they love my intelligence
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
