wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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