Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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