She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
