My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
