also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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