He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
