so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
