How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
