you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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