I want you more than these girls want KFC
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
