I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
