woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
