I want to walk on stilts...naked
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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