But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
we're so committed to being not committed
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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