This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
