Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
