It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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