dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
