dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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