I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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