i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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