A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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