So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
