Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
