it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
