I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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