yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
