well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
